A Cursing Cove of Your Very Own

Hello Readers! We're excited to announce a new thoroughbred in the writers' stable. Today the Casual-Observer welcomes our new Arts and Crafts contributor, Racine LaCrosse. She's a top notch writer, a found-object artist, and an unflappable human being. She'll start at the top, with today's lead article.

Get your craft boxes, everybody. We've got work to do! I'm Racine, and I'm thrilled to be writing my first article for the Sunday Casual-Observer. Gosh, I remember when I was a girl, running out to the paper box to fetch the C-O for my Pops. He'd sit at the table, doing the Number Jumble in his bathrobe. And now I'm a Casual Observer myself! Pinch me! But don't let me ramble, we've got a project to start. We're gonna build a cursing cove!

If you've glanced at a magazine lately, you know this year's hot home-improvement project, and maybe you've already toured your neighbor's brand new screaming shed. Seems like everybody's marking out a spot in the yard. You might have heard them called different names, like a shouting shack, a yellin' yurt, or a f**k-it fortress—my Pops calls his a hollerin' burrow, which is classic. And those are fine if you've got a big backyard and cash to burn, but if you're like me, you can't mint money for a permanent building to scream in. Not to worry. With a few simple tools and scrap materials, you can build an indoor cursing cove that's ready when you need it. Let's get started!

A cursing cove has two main components: structure and soundproofing. The structure part is pretty straightforward. You enclose a space where the world feels manageable. Say you pick up your phone to check the time, and you accidentally open your news feed. Now, in the middle of making the meatloaf, you've got a bonafide defense attorney spouting bizarroland nonsense like "A technical violation of the Constitution is not a violation of criminal law." You're gonna need a space that's small enough for your injured brain to unwrap itself. For a lot of us, that's pretty small!

Your cursing cove should be soft on the inside, too. You want it to feel like a hug, and it should cushion any repeated impacts. Like a lot of people, I used to use blankets and couch cushions, and those are great in a pinch, but now I've done myself one better! I moved things around in the broom closet, so the vacuum cleaner and the rag box are easy to move out, leaving a space just right for me to fold myself into a fetal position. For cushioning, I've attached an old foam camping mat. Be careful, though—hot glue won't work, this time! (I tried it. You'll melt holes in the foam!) Staples aren't great, either, since they'll compress the padding, and they might take an eye out. After a few tries, I came up with a great solution. Get a packet of little eye hooks. (I found a box of fifty for less than five dollars!) Space those a few inches apart, and then use an awl to poke holes in the foam. Now tie a thread between each eyehook and a padded upholstery button. Works like magic, and it won't leave scars on your forehead!

The foam helps with soundproofing, too, so you can open your medical bills without being overheard. If you need more than foam, I gotchu covered! The inside of a closet is the perfect place to practice your drywall skills. I tore out the sheetrock in my closet with a regular hammer, and that was a great way to use the adreneline from another day's mass shooting. Once you've opened up the wall, you just pack in some insulation. I recommend Owens Thermafiber Fire & Sound Plus. $60 for a bag might seem expensive, but one is all you'll need. Plus your cursing cove will double as a fire bunker, which may come in handy! If you have a little more in your budget, a solid-core door will keep those curses inside your closet.

After that, it's all up to your style. If you've got an outlet in your cove, try some gentle twinkling lights. Or get a can of paint in Baker-Miller Pink. Whatever feels right for your helpless screaming, you go for it! It's your art. Enjoy it!