Vera's Blanket Fort Chocolate

If you could see the Ostrich staff today, you'd know something was different. We're all in shorts and Hawaiian shirts, toting mimosas around the office. No, it's not casual Sunday; it's a whole new lifestyle! Today we're re-launching the paper in its new, relaxed incarnation, the Occasional Ostrich. You'll get the Weekly Forecast once a week, and a front page feature when the inspiration strikes us. We're signed up for one of those pre-paid, once-a-month inspiration services, so you can count on an article at least once a month.

Under normal circumstances, we'd launch the Occasional with a big celebration, ideally with donkey rides, though donkeys are harder to rent than they once were. On this particular week, we're more in a mood to panic than to party.
If ever there was a week to eat your emotions, it's this week, so in lieu of a grand soiree, we've invited our Food and Fashion Editor, Vera Maraschino, to the Ostrich Kitchenette, to make some good, old fashioned anxiety food.

Blanket Fort Chocolate
Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 3 tablespoons honey
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Publisher: Welcome back to the kitchenette, Vera!

VM: Thanks, Tom. It's great to be here! Well, not "great." I've been hiding under my duvet for a week, and I'm keen to get back there.

Publisher: I hear you. I've got a fresh bag of clothes pins, and we're putting up a blanket fort as soon as I get home. Who knows when I'll come out again. Might be years!

VM: That's my plan, too, and that brings me to my first bullet point for the day. The number one mistake people make, with a blanket fort, is to build it in the bedroom or the living room. You want your fort in the kitchen, right by the fridge. Not only is a fridge the perfect appliance for hanging blankets, you'll want one close by, for the treats we're making.

Publisher: Any dos and don'ts for a kitchen fort?

VM: There are, Tom. Do drag a mattress in from the bedroom. Do hang your blankets from the fridge, but make sure they're held down by their own weight, or attached with magnets. It might seem like a good idea to secure that blanket with a cast iron pan, but you'll regret it when you nudge the comforter, and a frying pan falls on your head!

Publisher: Good thinking! Once your fort is built, what should you bring inside?

VM: You'll be tempted to bring your phone and computer, but those will be chock full of polls, projections, early results—exactly the shit you don't want in your fort. Be courageous and leave those outside. Do bring a flashlight, a stack of romance novels or Calvin and Hobbes comics, and any games you want on hand. Plus all the cushions from your couch.

Publisher: What about food?

VM: Food is the heart of a panic fort, and there are so many options. If you want to go traditional, you're talking Costco-brand potato chips. Three or four bags.

Publisher: Maybe some Cheetos?

VM: I'd give the Cheetos a pass; too tempting to wipe your hands on the blankets. But, look, when I'm an anxious wreck, there's no substitute for chocolate and wine. That's why we're making the ultimate chocolate bar for a panic fort: dark, sweet, and melty, so luxurious it will lift you right up out of the real world.

Publisher: Sounds incredible, but I'm no chocolatier.

VM: No need. It's as simple as a recipe could be. I'll start by melting half a cup of coconut oil in a saucepan, over medium-low heat.

Publisher: You'll want to do this before you drape a blanket over the stove.

VM: That's right. You don't want fleece too close to the burner—ask me how I know. When the oil is melted, stir in the cocoa powder, honey, and vanilla. Keep stirring until the cocoa is all mixed in and the mixture has a liquid consistency. Next you'll pour it into a mold, preferably something flat and square, with a way to release the chocolate. You could line a dish with parchment paper, but I'm using this flexible silicone bread pan.

Publisher: Looks good. What comes next?

VM: Slap that shit in the fridge. As it cools, you'll want to stir it a few times, or the honey will all sink to the bottom. When it sets, it's ready! You'll need to store it cold, since coconut oil would melt in a nice, warm blanket fort. But that's it. Pop it out of the mold and cut it into pieces, or just gnaw on the end when you have a scary thought. You can pair it with any strong red wine. Cabernet, if you have it, or whatever blend that's cheap at the minimart. Heck, it's so dark, it would hold up fine with straight bourbon.

Publisher: That'll be my route. But, listen, I'll be in my fort a few days, at least. Can I change up the flavors, if I get bored?

VM: Definitely! For an elevated panic experience, there are endless variations. Mix in some toasted coconut flakes, sea salt, crushed coffee beans, orange zest, black pepper, dried blueberries, you name it!

Publisher: It smells delicious, Vera! Mind if I take this batch home?

VM: Be my guest! I've got twelve bars in the fridge already. Fingers crossed that's enough.

Publisher: Fingers crossed!