C-O Finds New Owner

After tense negotiations, the Sunday Casual-Observer announced today a change of ownership, ending the long, we can now say exhausting, tenure of former publisher, Gertie "Wordy" Bird III. Newspaper tycoon (he would like you to know) Tom George purchased the storied paper in exchange for future stock futures and an undisclosed cash sum. Bird and George denied requests for details, but industry insiders report the amount to have been less than $7.75.

As readers are aware, the Casual-Observer did not fare well under Bird's leadership, burgeoning from a svelte 40 pages a day, to more than 200, most of which were editorial. Though subscribers stuck with the paper, mostly for the popular Coppertone Bathers' Report and the daily Cross Words, the newspaper accumulated significant debt, and was known for years to be near collapse.

Created through a three-way merger of the Adirondak Stationary Observer, the Gallup County Casualty News, and the San Diego Sunday Parfait, the Sunday Casual-Observer has earned its reputation, maintaining what the Denver Post has called "an unusual degree of reporting" and the Detroit Free Press has labeled "tedious mumbles."

Publisher George has promised a bevy of changes to shore up the ailing newspaper, particularly at the news desk, which he has deemed "unnecessary." All sports writers have been let go, including veteran favorite Ken Bad-Mittens. The business staff remains, for now, but one reporter confided that he doesn't know what sort of "business" Mr. George has in mind. What the future holds for us at the C-O can only be read in the mind of our new publisher.