Where Can I Find a Grownup?

Welcome Dr. Jane Nodderman, child psychologist, with a Kids' Table feature for our young readers!

It feels good to be growing up, doesn't it! You're old enough to ride your bike past the end of the driveway, all the way down the block and on to the corner store. You have so much freedom! But even a big kid runs into trouble now and then. Sometimes you need help when you're out on your own. It's not your fault. It happens! You might fall off your bike, or a dog might chase you. You might get lost, or you might feel sad and need a hug.

So what should you do, if you need help when you're all alone?

Have your parents talked with you about this? Have they told you to call them on the phone, or to knock on a neighbor's door? Have they told you there's always a grownup somewhere close, who can help you?

Sit down for a minute. Auntie Jane's been into the cognac, and she's going to tell you a secret. It might hurt, but I'll say it out loud, because it's better to know the truth.

Your parents are lying. There aren't any grownups.

Grownups are like Santa Claus. You know there's not really a Santa Claus, right? It's just your mom and dad pretending. Well it's the same with grownups. Exactly the same. After you go to bed, your mom and dad stay up and do grownup things, like paying taxes and other things you don't need to worry about. But they're only playing grown up. They're kids like you, whose bodies got big enough that they looked like grownups, and they thought it might be fun to pretend. Some of them think they're grown up—that's pretty common in college students and pickup drivers. But most of them know they're pretending.

The big secret is, they're looking for a grownup, too. It's like with you and Santa. Don't you wish Santa was real, even though you know he's not? You sort of hope so, even though it's silly. Well, the pretend grownups are all hoping there's a real grownup out there in the world, who can make them feel safe, and get the stains out of their socks, and check the furnace, and teach them about pivot tables and Roth IRAs. Even though they've never met a real grownup, they still believe in them.

When "grownups" want the world to be different, they make signs on big sheets of paper, and they stand close together, and they shout as loud as they can, so the real grownups will hear them and make it better. Even old people in their seventies are hoping they can find a grownup. That's why they keep electing eighty-year-old presidents. They're really, really hoping there's a President Grownup. But there isn't.

So what can you do, if you need help? You can always ask another kid—just remember that they're a kid, too, and they might be as confused as you are. You can also ask yourself "what would a grownup do right now?" Would they tell you everything's okay? Would they do something to help you?

If there's no one else to do it, you might have to pretend, too, just like your parents do. I know that's hard to hear, and I'm sorry. Think about what a grownup would do, and do your best at it. You might even look around and see who else needs help, and pretend to be a grownup for them. You don't have to pretend forever, or all the time, but you might need to do it sometimes. Just look out for cars and dogs and compound interest. And don't forget you're pretending.

(Publisher's note: This message is for children, and may not point at you so much as it points at me.)