Tycoons Afield

I left Arnie Tackleman to manage the newspaper while I was on vacation, which was a mistake. He started off Monday with a team-building paper airplane contest. It was supposed to be a one day thing, he told me, but Racine LaCrosse's airplane beat his in five heats out of five, and he's a competitive guy. When I got home last night, I found that the airplane contest had vacuumed up the whole week. The staff had gone through forty reams of paper without completing a single article.

Winslow Vance suggested I write a travel report from my trip, but those are always smug and boring, as you'll agree if you suffered through all five weeks of Arnie and Vera's Italian getaway. Still, I can't leave you with nothing, so I'll say briefly that I and Mrs. Tycoon came home from Orcas Island refreshed and exhausted, which sounds contradictory but is not. I can wholeheartedly recommend the San Juans in the late summer. As for specific recommendations, well—

• We stayed in a green, serene pond-side farm cottage, with cats and horses and wild rabbits and u-pick blueberries, but...
• Our sailing guide had reason to think the owners of our green, serene pond-side farm cottage might be sort of racist, though we think he's referring to the former owners. Hoping so.
• Our watercolor teacher had reason to think our sailing guide might be sort of an alcoholic, which would explain certain elements of our afternoon at sea, such as his instance that Mrs. Tycoon steer the boat for the entire voyage. A stressful undertaking for the missus, but maybe a good plan in retrospect.
• Nobody had anything bad to say about our watercolor teacher. If you're ever in Eastsound on a Tuesday, you should sign up for the introductory watercolor class. No talent required, and they'll make you feel like a genius.
• The view from Mt. Constitution is maybe the best view of Earth from any point but outer space. You can drive all the way to the top or hike up from sea level, or you can do like we did, and drive almost to the top and hike from the uppermost trailhead. This makes for a lovely hike, and you get to enjoy a satisfying contempt of all the people in the summit parking lot. And you're left with plenty of time and energy for ice cream at the bottom.

Nice to be back at the ranch. I'll get a real article written as soon as I finish paper airplane version five.