Ostrich Weekly Forecast: Apr 7

So the bad news first. Our weatherman predicts a week of hurricaney weather, with a passing twister here and there, and a 60% chance of man-eating whirlpools. Same as last week, we're sorry to report. But the good news about a dizzy week—the kind of week that pulls your metaphorical furniture out of place—is that you get to look into corners that haven't seen light in a good long time. You'll probably find things you misplaced ages ago, plus so much spare change! Leaving aside the national turmoil you know too much about already, you can expect a week of rediscovery. Old talents reemerging, old friends resurfacing, old movies playing, and lost treasures found unexpectedly.

Also this week: Lights mysteriously flickering, double gains for squats and crunches, National Unicorn Day (not joking), and a chance to find out what they put in these new, fancy maraschino cherries that makes them supernaturally delicious.