Ostrich Weekly Forecast: Nov 11

I thought about ending the Weekly Forecast this week. I don't want to be responsible for weather that gets worse and worse. On reflection, the Ostrich has always delivered a local report, or else a global one. We're not Good Morning, America, and neither will we be Robin Williams in Good Morning, Vietnam, predicting another day of "Hot and shitty, with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon." Instead, we'll attend to those minor atmospheric changes that portend a less-detectable, more enchanted breeze.

So I asked our weatherman, this week especially, to look for "small weather," and I always forget how literally he takes these instructions. "On the northern and southern Pacific coast," reads his report, "as well as the mid-Atlantic seaboard and the Gulf of Mexico, prevailing conditions will be tolerable for snails. Snails in the Midwest and interior West should seek to burrow promptly." I told him I wasn't sure snails burrow. Like, I'm not a snailogist, but I don't know if that's a thing they do. He said. "They will this week, if they know what's good for them."