Are You a Protagonist? Take our Quiz!
Advice and caution for main characters at the outset of their stories.
The Ostrich celebrates a flock of graduates among our readers! Congratulations to each of you. Bravo, bravo, bravo!
Those readers who've attended a recent commencement will notice that the vibe is different than it was in days of yore. Back when I sat in my own flimsy folding chair, a valedictorian was bound to say something like "The world needs a hug, but our arms are long! Let us go forth and squeeze!" Whereas a modern valediction may sound more like "The world thinks it can bite our toes off, but we're too quick for that!" And yet the graduates still march from the arena, battle-ready, like, um, heroes—marching—into an arena.
A graduate deserves to feel like a protagonist upon a hero's journey. But the world doesn't work like that—does it? We can't all be protagonists. Can we?
Well, somebody has to be one. Maybe it's you!
Are you a protagonist? Take this simple quiz and find out!
- Has your world been upended by large-scale cataclysms and looming disasters?
- Has your personal life been shaken by painful challenges, as if some cosmic author was heaping on the pathos?
- Are the characters in your political landscape so cartoonishly evil that their villain status is all too obvious?
- Are you plucky and resourceful, or could you be plucky and resourceful, given the right mentor and circumstance?
If you answered yes to three or more questions, congratulations! You might be a protagonist! If not, don't despair. Loyal friends, love interests, sage advisors, and witty sidekicks are all essential. For myself, I expect I'm a comic foil, which is just as I'd want it.
If you are a protagonist, the next question is—what kind?
- Do you yearn for travel or adventure? You may be the pivotal force in an epic widescreen opera.
- Unlucky in love, despite a heart of gold and a decent bone structure? Perhaps you're a romance protagonist, hopefully in a steamy romp, not some staid Edwardian manners novel.
- Are wild animals loitering outside your window? Enjoy your fantasy drama.
- Have you moved into an austere old house or a brand-new building on ancient soil? Better work on your strength and cardio. If you need to visit the basement, bring along a disposable acquaintance.
- Are you a charming misanthrope in a melancholy city or a hilly countryside? Do people speak to you in exquisite monologues or pithy sentences imbued with subtext? You may be a "great literature" protagonist, in which case I hope your symbol-drenched existence makes up for the cathartic-yet-frustratingly-unresolved ending.
Regardless of the genre, you'll need to brace for a bumpy ride. Things may get worse before they get better. Expect the author to jerk your chain. You'll just have to soldier on, and hope your story isn't too melodramatic. The good news is you'll have what you need. You'll discover unexpected stores of resilience within yourself. Maybe you'll have help, or maybe you'll be alone in the rising action. Either way, your resources will be sufficient.
Here's the worst part: At some point in the story, you'll have to step up and accept the mantle of responsibility. The plot will depend on your noble actions. This will be daunting. You won't feel sure of the outcome, even if a happy ending is preordained. Which it may not be. Good stories have all sorts of endings: happy, tragic, ironic, or unfinished. The ending doesn't define the story, nor tarnish the brilliance of the main character. Plan for success, stay open to miracles, and accept the twists as they come.
Keep your wits, enjoy your adventures, don't let the antagonists get you down, and, above all, strive for sharp dialog. The broad arc may be out of your hands, but a badass line is always in reach.
