Travel Diary, Part Two

Arnie Tackleman and Vera Maraschino took a working vacation in Switzerland and Northern Italy. We sent them off with a travel diary to record the experience in their own words.

Here's why they went: https://www.casualobserver.co/the-travel-notebook/
Here's the first installment: https://www.casualobserver.co/travel-diary-day-one/

And here's Day 2

Vera: Five stars to hike number one! Molto bello, Monte San Giorgio! Lake Lugano—just gorgeous. Perfect little towns, and the Alps all around you. The summer villas, the little chapels. Very Sound of Music meets The White Lotus. What a stunner! I thought ten kilometers would be a long way, but it flew by. Right, Arnie? Isn't that right?

Arnie: Ok, I told you I was jet lagged. I don't know how you're so full of energy.

Vera: I told you you should have slept on the train.

Arnie: I don't know who you're trying to impress, anyway. Let me tell you, readers, Vera is 100% convinced she'll run into a modeling agent around the next bend. She won't admit it, but it's obvious. Joke's on her, though. She's probably got blisters already from those—can I call them boots?

Vera: Yes, you can call them boots. They're Leather Silk Antelope Nero by Mania, and you've never been as comfortable in anything as I am in these. But you're not wrong. I know for a fact that J.J. Martin hikes up here, and I would literally die if she saw me in Kirkland shorts. But I don't think it was me, dragging my ass up there like it was cast in concrete. Do you think maybe you'd walk faster in couture? It's the psychic weight of your Walmart wardrobe that's slowing you down, I'll bet.

Arnie: Once I get some sleep, I'll kick your ass on the long hike.

Vera: You do that. Poor Buddy.

Day 3

Vera: Poor Buddy! Arnie's been up since three this morning, blowing his nose with hotel toilet paper, once he'd used up all the kleenex. Right now he's literally moaning on the floor. You've never seen a creature so miserable, even if you've seen, like, a seal caught in a fishing net. I actually thought about giving up the bed, but he wouldn't have enjoyed it like I did. (I might have enjoyed it more, if the Creature from the Snot Lagoon could blow his nose without honking.)

Arnie: I told you I was off my game, yesterday. And you know whose fault this is.

Vera: Oh, I know whose fault this is, and don't try blaming that baby on the airplane. If you hadn't been staring at him, he would have sneezed in his mom's face, like kids are supposed to.

Arnie: I didn't know babies could sneeze like that.

Vera: And now you do. Suck it up, champ.

Arnie: I guess you're probably glad we'll be calling off the hike today? There's got to be a dress shop or someplace you'd rather visit?

Vera: There is a cute little boutique on the waterfront, but I'm not buying anything here. I paid off my card before we left, and I'm saving my whole credit limit for Milan. But "we're" not calling off the hike. You're staying here to blow goo out your nose, and I'm going hiking with Luciano.

Arnie: You know, I don't trust that guy. What kind of mountain guide looks that great all the time. How does he get his hair to do that?

Vera: I know. He must carry a concealed can of mousse. And I'm with you—I don't trust him, either. If he tries to take advantage of me, what'll I do?

Arnie: You'll think of something.

Vera: I'll try my best. What are you gonna do while I'm gone? Just sit here and be miserable?

Arnie: What kind of hotel doesn't have a TV?

Vera: The kind with the world's prettiest lake out the window?

Arnie: You're right. I'll watch the lake. And work on my groaning. And contemplate my impending death.

Vera: You can use my laptop, but I only downloaded one show before we left. Six seasons' worth. Knock yourself out, if you get bored.

Arnie: You mean that awful show you were watching on the plane? The rich ladies who buy shoes and complain about all the great sex they're having?

Vera: Says the guy who needs six channels to watch grown men play catch. You'll be okay while I'm gone?

Arnie: I'll be okay. Say hi to Luciano. And enjoy my literal, once-in-a-lifetime dream hike.

Vera: Oh, I will. Get some sleep. But don't get used to the bed. Ciao!

Continue Reading: Travel Diary, Part Three